This Merciless Concrete

Sad out of nowhere last night and had no one to talk to and I did this…

It doesn’t hurt to cut anymore. But when it bleeds, I get intolerably itchy… which makes no sense to me.

Yeah so I take back that last post about getting control over my cutting. I might be cutting less, but apparently I am cutting deeper now.

Hmm. Maybe I will try this. I will have someone else draw it one me though… so I am accountable to someone other than myself. It worked once.

I have cut every night for the past four nights. I need to knock it off.

Another shitty day. Need to break this cycle.

First time I cut, I made a promise to someone never to do it again. And I didn’t. For two whole years. Then that person left my life. And I used it as an excuse to do it again. All in all… they are barely cuts… just scratches. They only bled a little.

And I don’t like the feeling of the cutting itself per say. I like the constant, nagging burning feeling when my clothes rub against the cuts.

I don’t know if I will do it again. The pain that led me to this was overwhelming. Hopefully I have learned how to deal with the pain better now.